scramble me up inside.

What to do.
how do you feel about it. when you touched me today i wanted to melt in your arms for just that little time we had...............
you're not even anything. yet you are a part of me, except not. change is just change. once you start settling it happens and there's no turning back.
....................................and you had to say something. yeah. you had to make the thought reality for both of us. it could have been just a wonder for me but you made it much more.
now i am back to where i was. well close anyway. thanks.

sweet life.

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just shut up and kiss me!

pahpahpartay.

its all a blur. i slept all day. Cried when i was awake. I don't want to be awake. I think to myself, stop this. just snap out of it ariel. its not even that big of a deal. why am i so depressed. I cannot recall a time where i was this depressed. Why? I didn't think when it came it would be like this, at all. Knowing i have to work tomorrow makes me want to die. I absolutely hate my job. i want to quit more than anything. so why don't i?
I can't wait for the day this all turns around and im happy again.
but until then..i don't know how i will cope. ugh..whats wrong with me?

Old.

You become a baby again.

..until that day comes.
you've been waiting for it. longing for it to come.

every morning i ask." how are you doing? Did you sleep well?"
You respond," well, I'm still here.." and close your eyes again.

I never want to be there.
never..

When you die of old age.
people expect it.

I would much rather die when im fifty then live the rest of my life waiting to die.

Its especially sad when you never see those you've raised.
those that are here because of you.
They are off living their own lives..

yeah, they'll come visit you once in a while.
but when they leave you have a horrible week.
you cry and cry and cry...
they might as well have never of come. (?)
you could have stayed in your normal routine.

Maybe this is just how i see it because of where i am.
there are many elderly people, 92 year olds living on their own..
right?


No...i never want to be there.

Life is nothing.

I have a feeling.
A gut instinct.


I'm sorry.


It could happen to me, easily.
Is it really that big of a deal?

They don't know.

Its only something that you can say is a major burden to over come.
Yet you can never overcome it?
oh, whatever.
Things only hurt you if you let them.

It may come to be that I'm totally wrong.
Assuming--making an ASS of U and ME.
haha.
get it?


you told me that once.