it all comes down to..

im not the type of writer who puts everything in chronological order.
or who tells a magnificant story out of details and words.

i just write.
and thats okay. i think.
if it makes sense to me, im fine with it.


so why do they teach us in school to write a certain way.
because my way is wrong?
why can't we just throw our thoughts out on the table for everyone..they can make of it was they want.
afterall
we are free.

squeeze it and never let go

things come and go.
then they come back and go again.
will it always be that way?
or will it finally just settle and become boring.
we forget change brings us to life.
if we didn't have it. if everything stayed that way forever.
well..how much fun would you have.
would your memories become so vague
because it wasn't significant.
so stop and think.
the live again
and live
and live.
now i've thought again.
im getting there.
then.
it will disappear.
and i will get it again.


hah.
what is this anyway.
a blog?
-a journal to relieve yourself
or
-an assignment to keep you writing. keep you thinking.
or......
both.
whatever it is.
its helping.
but waht?
are you really still reading this?
cause if you are,
........you are.
and hopefully your getting it.

oh, hey there dude. whats up?

your too...plain.
i hate it when you give me that look like.."you are so screwed up its not even funny"
oh yeah?
ha.
don't worry about me hunny.
i am who i am.
if you don't like it, well. im sorry.
don't try to make it my problem.
its yours deary.

sorry to come off like i did.
it just bugs the peaches out of me!
eh/
there ya go
perfect ie.

golfball and a rope

shy.
what is it?
the result of insecurity?


wow.
great.
how do you over come that?

you tell me shy is good.
"they love it"
but then..when i am
you ask whats wrong?
whats wrong?
well i don't fricken know!
you think i want to be like this?
gosh.
im a fagg it.

oh and btw.
i love you sweet heart.

subtracting the faith.

im so ready for it to be over.
so ready that i think i might have already let it be over.
i've stopped trying.
but did i ever try.
it has come to a point where i've literally stopped.
my mind set: it won't effect me later in life when things really count

i can't decide whether or not thats good.
obviously not good.
but what?
idk.
you tell me.
whats the point of life anyway?
maybe i would want to make something of myself if i knew the point of it..
but i don't..
so..screw it.

hahahahhahaahahha my ...apple!

So she's filling your head with all of these dumb ass asumptions she's made. well, whatever i guess. its all part of growing up.
its crazy how you can think one thing about a person but they think something totally different about you.
whatever.
fuck it.
thats why you need to be strong hearted and forget about others peoples shit.
sometimes its good to be selfish.
things then, don't get to you so bad.
like really.
you're fucking dumb.
hahahhahaha.
stfu.
b.

lack of like.

I don't feel wanted, or welcome. I walk in early morning. The smell gets to me first and i finally realize where i am and what i have to do. drag. I walk down the hall. The first person i see i give a nice warm smile. do they smile back? no..they look at me like a complete idiot.-- has this world forgotten manners? or am i really an idiot? --next person walks by. same thing. what? where am i? third person. finally i think..just maybe a warm gesture even. YES! i polite smirk. whoo. okay this day might not be so bad after all.
you've got to be kidding me.
this place makes me feel lost.
is this really what work is all about?
feeling awkward and confused.
if so, i never want to work again in my life.
are there people in this world that actually like their job?
there's got to be!
this just isn't for me.
the environment here sucks!
i need to get out of here.!
help.